The End

Filed under: Fundamentals

This is not the return.

This, whatever ‘this’ is.. (because after all this time I never really worked out what it is i’m writing about), is the last post i’ll make. I kind of lied when I said ‘everybody returns some day’- not entirely accurate… but at least this blog, in its current state, won’t be returning. Instead it will path way to a new website (see here, and here soon), a slightly different form of communication and way to share the images i’ve taken (and maybe words too).

In a weeks time when this goes down, you’ll be able to find an archived version through the redirected website.. incase you like to reminisce like I often do.

So as my last post.. For those who frequented over the past 3 and a bit years: Thank you for reading. For looking. For following me on my travels. For disregarding my moody posts about girls I loved. For places I yearned to be (in retrospect, I realise what kind of person I was. I was that person.. if you know what i’m talking about.. don’t be that person). You’ll be happy to know that I (mostly) grew up (from the very first post). My hair is long now. I haven’t got any more tattoos (Mums will be proud. Mine in particular). I have semi-found my place in the working world (*I say this having had a good week. Who knows what next week will bring) and right now i’m very excited about the months to come.

The first line of this post has stuck with me since the beginning: what is it that I spent near 4 years writing about? The other week I was watching re-runs of the Wonder Years and trying to explain to Ella, having never seen the show, what it was all about.. I find a (very romanticised) link between their story and the words i’ve put down on on this blog. I think to summarise it all nicely.. Thank you for being patient with me while I was (and still am) trying to figure things out.

Yours Truly,

everybody returns some day

Filed under: Fundamentals

“Everybody returns someday.”

Someday indeed.

In the previous post I was getting excited to watch a new series – True Detective, and now that show has come and gone. My blog took a back seat, because for once I started actually living in the present as opposed to trying to hold on to the past. It always takes something special to pull you out of a slump, and while I seem to constantly have one foot in mine, I’m trying hard to have both feet on even ground.

I’ve written, deleted, re-written, and deleted this post at least five times over the past few months, wondering when would be an appropriate time to start writing again. Thinking to myself, when I would need to start writing again. While posting on tumblr has kept blogging here at bay, at some point having a voice behind the pictures is becoming equally important to me. I’ve always said it’s up to you, the viewer, to decipher what the photograph means (perhaps out of laziness to bother explaining, a trait i’ve gained from art school). Now, however – having experienced how wrong taking the silent seat can go – I’d rather clear the air about a lot of misconceptions out there. To challenge the voices of ignorant writers who cower behind their anonymous comments.

Since originally sitting down to write this post, Ella has become a two time grammy winner. She has taken home a Brit too. Currently she is on the opposite side of the world on tour. As much as I miss her, I couldn’t be prouder of what she has achieved so far. If you are lucky enough to attend one of her shows on this current tour, you’ll experience more than just her voice. The production she has dreamt up looks incredible… I can’t wait to see it myself next month.

If someone asked me what this blog was about, I really wouldn’t know how to answer… It started off as something trying to battle the giant that is tumblr, to escape a world of what I would say is original content lost – a seemingly endless stream of half naked girls and cats and it all repeated again and again: I have learnt that if you’re not putting up your own photos, someone else will, and they WILL take credit for your work. This blog developed into a series of words and pictures, thoughts and often over-thoughts about trying to live in a country that wasn’t my own, about trying to be in a relationship with a girl who lives 6000 miles away, about whatever the fuck someone in their 20′s shouldn’t be doing, but currently is. My life is probably a lot different now, but it feels normal on the inside.

Jared Leto said that fame doesn’t change you, it changes everyone around you. While I’m not the centre of attention here (and fuck, the times I have, it’s never been fun), I do become aware of the people around me and their transparency. They fail to hide it. I’ve experienced being a target of the tabloids, finding moments I thought I was in safe hands splattered all over the internet, being pushed and shoved, or watching others get pushed and shoved by paparazzi just to get what they think they’re entitled to. While I’m dragging on about the negative aspects, they are only a small part of my world now. There is a bright, shining silver lining to this thing I’ve been exposed to. I’ve had the privilege to sit on an aircraft for 12 hours, cramped, exhausted but happy (like Louis CK once said, “YOU’RE FLYING. YOU’RE SITTING IN A CHAIR IN THE SKY!”). I’ve been able to tell tales of the many amazing people I’ve met along the way – from fellow photographers, to artists I’ve always admired and never thought I’d get to meet, let alone have a simple thing like coffee with… People who seem to scramble the words within your brain and the only thing you end up doing is blurting out ‘HILSKDFLKWELK’ (at some point it’s a verbal greeting, but ends up a flurry of sweat mixed with spit). More importantly, I’ve found a little inspiration from new faces. People I look up to. People whose work I admire so much. For all of this I have to thank the one I look up to the most. Who I admire the most. Who still fills the little voids I try to avoid.

Some stories I keep for the memory banks, and some I’ll share here. Currently I am mostly at home trying to carry on with real life (and I call it real life even though for the most part it is all still so surreal).

While the posts may still be few and far between, this is my someday.

This is my return to the blog.

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Now I’m Like You

Filed under: Fundamentals

One day I woke up and decided that I didn’t feel like blogging any more. That was a month ago, and i’ve still got nothing to say.

..Maybe next month.

TV Lives On

Filed under: Media

TV has always had a place for us beyond moving pictures on the screen. There are few shows that grip me on the edge of my seat, Lost (yes I know I know) was one of them, I cherish the days of The OC (tell me you didn’t identify as one of them at some stage).. i’m sure there are more that I can’t think of right now, at least one more has joined the ranks this past week.

We all know Breaking Bad has left us with a giant gaping hole in our heart.. Dexter was unfulfilling.. (I wish I had let it live on in my head than slowly die on screen). Now that most shows on TV have come to an end, I crave something new. The trailer above looks like it’s my kind of thing..

(I also have Mad Men, Sopranos, The Wire, Walking Dead, Boardwalk Empire, Six Feet Under..etc to watch that i’ve been putting off me because I hate it when people recommend me shows as I am doing to you now..)

Regarding Public Speaking

Filed under: Art, Fundamentals, Growing Up

/Test shot for the ‘Ens Causa Sui’ shoot

If there’s anything i’ve learnt from today, it’s that i’m physically incapable of ‘winging it’ when it comes to public speaking. When you notice a little shake to your own voice speaking into the microphone you know you’ve got it bad. Public speaking is a bitch, and there’s no doubt that my talk was.. hilarious, but in an awkward “oh god why” kind of way. There are however a lot of points that I missed out, and things I wanted to say but couldn’t find the words, and by time they came to me it was too late because I had rushed over my slides and backtracking seemed worse than not saying anything at this stage.

A quiet room in a hotel however is a much easier place for this brain of mine to process thought and break it down into words a little easier for people to take in.

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(Another) Week In Pictures

Filed under: Film Photography

I’ve such got such a long backlog of film lately that i’ve started skipping developing rolls and just leaving them in the fridge for my ‘deal with later’ pile.. I take my camera our sporadically, so the photos are from all throughout different times in the week.

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The Constructed Photograph

Filed under: Events, Fundamentals

/the making of ‘Diana says “Daisy…”‘

The Constructed Photograph: Artist Talk Process
31 August 2013, 2pm
City Gallery, Wellington

Yvonne Todd
Kate J Woods
James K Lowe
Roberta Thornley
Aaron Lister (chair)

Next Saturday you’ll find me amongst a small group of very talented photographers discussing the Gregory Crewdson exhibition that has come down from CCP in Melbourne. I’ve followed this mans work closely, perhaps too close, and next week i’ll be there to discuss what it is to create a constructed photograph.

You probably shouldn’t come because i’m terrible at public speaking, terrible at socializing.. but you should come to hear what the others have to say because it’ll be quite interesting to hear the words of my fellow panel.

I’ll see you next week

A Week In Pictures

Filed under: Film Photography

What week in particular, i’m not really sure.. i’ve come to neglect this blog over the recent months- sporadic is the only term that could describe what’s the amount of posting here. I have nothing to reassure there will be change, just a slow decline while my days become more important to enjoy them than document them. Or rather, perhaps instagram is just an easier way to go right now. There are a few things coming up which i’ll write about later, but until then here are a few photos of my favourite people I hung out with the other week.

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Ten Days Without Shaving

Filed under: Growing Up

(hiding in plain site. the many applications of shaving cream.. besides actually shaving)

I am blessed with the asian hair-less gene, though it seems that has started to fade. Do I dare say i’m becoming a man? just kidding, I wouldn’t consider myself that until at least forty. They say once you hit mid-twenties your metabolism slows and perhaps the odd junk meal starts to take affect. I look much younger than I am, the theatre patrons often remind me that I need ID to see an R15 film (seriously guys..) it is not to be complained about really, but I often envy those who look their age if not older. Those who can grow a beards and not get ID’d, those who don’t have to get your pants taken in because the smallest size of anything is a 30. That was up until earlier this year.

I was never taught to shave (though I don’t believe being taught is a thing, perhaps only in movies and tv shows) nor have I really ever needed to up until this point. Actually come to think of it, earlier this year I was shaving my legs downwards direction in preparation for a tattoo.. apparently that’s a very stupid thing to do. My only rebuttal, you don’t shave your face upwards so why your legs? For as long as I can remember I haven’t really needed to own razors for the times needed to shave (face not legs to clarify) would only occur once.. maybe twice a month if that. Lately however i’ve had to take a razor to my face, well.. parts of my face, at least twice a week. Seriously, who can be fucked? Is this how normal people live? I would be less annoyed at this if this facial hair eventually blossomed into a full grown neck beard complete with plaid shirt and axe.. instead it is more of a weaker Pai Mei of Kill Bill (the asian master with whispy moustache and chin beard). A dozen or so strands, few and far between, of whispy long hair. Patchy at best. This is the shit I have to put up with right now after taking on a semi-deal not to shave for ten or so days.. *

*I wrote this yesterday with the intention of sticking it through. Day five down and I shaved this morning. There is no point to this, I just I really hate how stupid I look with facial hair.

James Blake

Lindisfarne was beautiful.

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